Picture this:

kd Lang and Wayne Gretsky, eating avocado rolls on the patio at a very fine little out of-the-way Japanese restaurant in LA, chatting about the glory days of Edmonton. That’s right, 1983-1990. Edmonton owned the world then, and it was thanks to these two.

“this place has the best Saba”

“Meat is murder. Pass the ginger, Great One.”

Cowboys and Long Haul truckers of North America had as their late night soundtrack Concept Country and Western Music produced by a Canadian vegetarian lesbian. And the Oilers. The Oilers in the 80s! The last Old Master of Canadian Hockey, a fine young Ukrainian- Canadian prairie boy, with finnesse, fine manners, and speed on his side, reminding the world just who owned the game, and which nation, exactly, is referred to in the phrase National Hockey League. Edmonton in the 80s. Happenin! 

I don’t know if all this had an effect on you, where you lived, but at the time I was a child in a town called Dawson Creek- we’re talking cold hostile people in a cold hostile climate, everyone hating the town and certain the outside world didn’t exist for them, anymore, their chance was over, they had just better stay in Dawson, and work at the sawmill, and for God’s sake don’t hope for anything nice out of life.

But Wait!

1983! Wait a galdarn minute!

Just six away by car, Edmonton! Winning Cup after Cup! Why, that’s the home team! And they’ve got culture, too, that kd Lang is a fine country and western singer! Why, she won six Junos this year (And collected them in a wedding dress, which made total un-ironic sense to me at the time, as an 8-year-old)

Is this pride, this feeling in my chest?

I think it’s time to bring up the Mall. Some of you readers may not know this, but Edmonton is home to the World’s Largest Mall. World’s. Largest. Mall. Floor three is a water park with over 50 waterslides and a giant automated wavepool. Two roller coasters in the basement. On the top floor they only sell fur coats and cars. This is a big deal. Edmonton was tops. I only made the trip a few times, as a kid, but it was sort of like going to Disney Land, only Disney Land was winning the Stanley Cup all the time 

 and was home to the singer of Big BonedGal. 

Am I feeling something I shouldn’t be feeling?

I like to think about kd and Wayne, now, because they both live in LA, and maybe they don’t like each other, maybe they never get together to talk about the old days, but I bet they have a lot of good memories.

Did Wayne ever smoke hash with kd and the Reclines backstage?

Did the mall ever double-book them? Did they ever have affairs with the same woman, some ultra glamourous Queen of the Edmonton Scene?

All this was on my mind, recently, while I was visiting in Northern Alberta with two friends who grew up together in Edmonton. They talk like this: ‘Oh yeah, Daddy-O’s downtown makes that Banannas Foster’ and “Remember When we worked across from each other at the food court in the Mall, but then you got amazingly promoted out of the Frozen Yogurt Caste and into the Club Monaco Caste” and “The River Valley at this time of year” and so on.

And I got to thinking about all the people I know from Edmonton, how they all share this hard-boiled true-heartedness, and how they all really know how to put together a dirty old winter jacket and a scarf, I mean, these people know how to look good on a thrift-store budget in a dirty-winter-town.

So of course I’d say to these Edmonton friends, “I want to go to Edmonton!” expecting them to say, “Yeah! we’ll meet you there and show you all the cool spots! We can go to the Mall! World’s Largest Food Court! Awesome!” Or something like that. Instead they did this: “Nooooooo Hilde noooo don’t go to Edmonton” “Noo Noooo don’t start thinking you want to go to Edmonton.” And when questioned, they’d just shake their heads. They shook their heads.

What happened, Edmonton? There is no resolution here. This is a question. Edmonton, how have you so fallen from grace in the eyes of your own children? This blog demands answers.